Living in the Paradox
Sometimes when I lose my center and feel pulled in a direction that is not good, I revert to my healing tools. Last week, I took a moment to connect with my intuition before choosing a card from the Oracle of Kabbalah Deck. Like Tarot, or Iching, it is a way of divining, or ascertaining the hidden significance of occurrences or events. Strange as it may seem, it is always a positive guide for me. That day I picked the letter Nun, which looks like:
Being trained as a Kabbalistic Healer/Counselor, I learned the power in the Hebrew Letters. That day I drew the card, I was feeling tired, not well, and a little bewildered. The meaning of Nun, paradoxically, stands for both growth and decline. It embodies not only sprouting and flourishing, but also descent and degeneration, both creation and destruction. Personally, I took this as a sharp reminder to surrender to my process. Since the beginning of the pandemic, like everyone, I have been placed in the unusual circumstance of isolation, sheltering in place, self-reflection, and realizing new boundaries. But additionally, I have had the added challenge of healing my body from H Pylori, and Lyme Disease, both newly diagnosed. Enduring the treatment for these conditions has been rough on my digestive tract, my neurological system, and my energy levels. Eager to push through and get more things done, I was being told to stop and listen to my body, which just needed to rest. As much as I miss my work and my clients, I am grateful to have this time to sprout and flourish, (eventually) by allowing my body to decline and degenerate (now). Anyone who has tolerated a healing process knows that releasing, clearing, and letting go is a necessary, yet uncomfortable part of it. I realize that this goes for my thinking, the expression of my ego, and the changes that want to take place there, as well. As I contemplate what I am personally experiencing, I see the larger picture of our world right now. This past week certainly holds the energy of an attempt to sprout and flourish, yet a degenerative decline that has reared its not so pretty head with the inhumane killing by police in Minneapolis, followed by both peaceful and violent protests worldwide. There it is, the Microcosm and the Macrocosm. As I sit with the peaceful and also violent activity within my body, I am also holding in my consciousness the hope for healing and integration for myself personally, as well as our world. What is your paradox right now? Is there an element you have realized about yourself or your world that seems to be contradictory to something else?